The Backwards Scooping Method {peasoup for people who hate peas}

As a kid I truly detested only two foods.

My number-one-all-time-worst-food | McDonald’s (aka: Ick-Donald’s) Cheeseburgers. When my mother would announce we were in a rush and needed to go to McDonald’s for lunch, I would begin to cry, nay, sob @ the thought.  My biggest hang up? the warm pickles.

My number-two-all-time-worst-food| peas. I. could. not. eat. them.  I think it was never the taste, but the texture.  When Mom served peas for dinner I would sneak them under the edge of my plate, into pieces of bread, into napkins, under the table, into my hand, into my lap, in the space between my teeth and lips, underneath other foods, onto my brothers plate, (and one of my favorites) the backward scoop method.  The backwards scooping method is an intricate magic trick where one acts like one is putting supplementary peas on their plate (complete with, “Yummy Mom, can I have some more peas? Could you please pass me the bowl of peas?”) but instead serving ones self more peas, one uses the recognizable path from plate to bowl to eliminate peas them said plate and return them to the bowl.  This method was more effective when combined with a distraction or commotion like, “Mom could you get me some more juice?” or “Nick didn’t eat his peas.” or “Nick is kicking me under the table”.

To be blunt | I still cant choke down the little bastards.  Fresh peas aren’t a problem, but once they get heated up or steamed the whole thing goes to shit.  The only way that I can truly enjoy a pasty little pea is in Split Pea Soup.  And, since it is Easter and in the past my uncle made his own Split Pea Soup and Ham for our family Easter gatherings; I decided to go deep into my memory and recall how we used to make this at the restaurant.  Unfortunately I cant remember (plus a restaurant size batch would be a little… well… gigantic for just Tyler and I).  So I found the simplest recipe I could find, and included all the ingredients from the version I used to make at Bijou and it turned out dangerously perfect.

look how pretty and unassuming those peas are?  BEWARE.

Split Pea Soup | for People Who Don’t Like Peas

1 pound of dry Green Split Peas (rinsed with any funky stuff pulled out)
Some ham, however much, cut-up how ever you like
2 strips of raw bacon chopped up smallish
1 clove garlic, minced
1 golden carrot, diced (or orange carrot, whatever you have)
5 cracked peppercorns
3 cups of stock and 3 cups of water -or- 6 cups of water and one bullion cube
1 red onion, diced
1 tablespoon of coarse-rugged-mustard (tangy)
2 bayleaves
a third of a cinnamon stick and a pinch of Nutmeg (if you only have powdered cinnamon, skip it)
3 rosemary twigs
Salt and Pepper to taste AFTER everything is done.

Put everything in a pot.  Bring it up to a boil. Bring down the heat to a very gentile simmer and cover.  Check and stir pot occasionally until peas are tender/mush’able.  Add more hot water if necessary.  This will take somewhere between 30mins and an hour.  Pull out the naked twigs, bay leaves, cinnamon, and any large pieces of peppercorn before serving.  Salt to taste.  So damn easy!

ps:

this weekend was Dan’s birthday. So all us wpc/pdx expats had a little thingy & I made Dan a Watchcake.  As you can see, he was very excited/drunk.  I can’t think of anything a full grown man could want more than a Watchcake.